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Another letter that came to us which reminds me of Bill Clinton’s answer “it all depends what the definition of ‘It’ is”.  Below is a letter we received from one of our followers.  I’ve seen it asked in different ways and I’ve talked about it before but from my elementary school teacher days I will repeat it as often as need be to help answer the question.  Here’s the letter…

“So how did you figure out exactly what ‘IT’ is??

I journal, I read, I research, I’ve done groups, I continue one-on-one therapy
(CBT I think is what it is) but I still find myself feeling more and more
confused.  Which causes me to fall deeper and deeper into depression.  I am so far
down at this point that I truly understand and have a huge amount of respect for
those 22+ a day (no I’m not suicidal but I have a greater perception of why they
do it).

I have an excellent team of Doctors that have been helpful, to an extent, but I can’t
get over ‘IT’ if I don’t know what ‘it’ was is.  I know what caused my trauma and
I have a good understanding of that aspect – but don’t understand why I just
can’t move forward.

I’m considering stopping my therapy because…well, seriously, it’s been over 2
years and I feel like I’m going backwards instead of forward and I feel like I’m
just wasting their time when there are others that might benefit more from the
time I waste of theirs.

And the VA C&P examiners are of no real value, that’s what threw me backwards.
Some of the allegations and guessing with her statements were absolutely
incorrect.  That’s part of what set me back after all the work I’ve done to try
and get better.

I just don’t understand and I’m tired of trying when it seems the
progress I had made was all for nothing – it’s hard to explain.

I just want some semblance of normal, my new normal…whatever you want to call
it.  I’m just tired of trying and feeling like the harder I try the more I fail.

So, there it is.  It is complex to talk with some people.  Sometimes I have felt this same way and I don’t know why my instinct was to just keep pushing forward.  I had no real scientific evidence that what I was doing was even helping.  In fact, when the PTSD was finally labeling me, I was sure that “it” was what I was suffering from.   It was only much later that I decided to go to the VA and find out for sure and get classified. 

Post has simply become my new reality.  I don’t see a mental health provider currently except for my wife who does chime in on occasion.  As far as a mental health provider or ground support or anything like this I do not although I am not averse to it either.  It just is that I seem to have a bit of control of “it” now and I’m OK with where I am, now.  But, as you can obviously see, I still post.   I, personally, love doing it now. I now it helps me stay clear and hopefully it helps others who I always assume will sooner or later experience something similar.   

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